Today is the 72nd day since you were gone. And the first day you are truly gone.
I finally met the SRT therapist Teen that I contacted a month ago today (thank her so much for letting me cut the line and had this meeting so soon). I still remember the day when I decided to write her E-Mail because I missed you so much that night and I lost sleep again. I spoke to myself that I couldn't keep this way anymore. I knew you would worry about me. So, I wrote to her.
Just like what I thought it might be, you haven't enter the core of the heaven because you always looked back whenever I cried. Teen said it wasn't my fault. However, we loved each other so much, that's why it is difficult for you to leave me here. She also said my high-self mentioned that our spirits had been together for three times, in three lifetimes. Due to our connection and love, we may still be together next life.
You were still so sweet, comforting me and told me not to blame myself any longer. Stop to blame myself, and bad things I used to say about myself were not true. "Forgive yourself," you said, and repeated it twice. "Love is the only answer and power. I love you unconditionally, and you should love yourself that way, too. Listen to your own feelings, and believe what they tell you. I am fine here, it's quite comfortable. And I have friends here. So stop thinking those bad things. Think about our happy memories. I was very happy when I was with you these 9.5 years. You had done your job. You owe me nothing. I know your loving nature, so It's alright to have another cat. I think it is impossible to you to have cats no more. But you loved me too much, I know, you just need time. Anyway, you will have another cat, but we won't meet again in the rest of your life. See you next life. Remember, FORGIVE YOURSELF!"
And the guardian angel asked me, "Are you ready to let her go? If you are, I will bring her to the heaven. When she enters the core of the heaven, you won't be able to communicate with her. If you want to send your blessing, I will send it for you. But she won't answer to you again. Are you sure you are letting her go? Or you want her energy to stay for awhile?"
"Please bring her to the heaven." I replied with tears.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure." Keeping her peaceful and joyful is all I ask and want for her.
"I see. Then, I am leading her to leave. Farewell."
I almost cried for three hours this morning. And my eyes were so dry that they hurt again. But I did feel better this afternoon when I went to work. It was quite subtle when the boss of the office asked me about having another new cat when I was going to leave this evening. He never asked me about cats after he knew I lost you. Just like you said, "it's not the time yet," I answered with a smile.
I had felt a little relief after the therapy until I decided to record this amazing experience by writing it down and found this picture of you. When I looked at your eyes in this pic, yes, my tears come again.
This is you, looking back at me. You loved me so much, and I can see it in your eyes. Our love lasts forever, but now we have to separate for such a long time. Will I remember you when I see you again? Although our spirit had made a deal to be with each other this life, but I didn't recognize you at first sight. The angel said the time we met had been set already, but...
Okay, I know this is my lesson. And you were here to inspire me of this. Deal with the sadness caused by separation. Stop feeling guilty. Begin to love and be kind to myself.
Thank you for revisiting me in my dreams for three times after you left. It made me feel so warm and be loved. Thank you. I love you.
Thank you for being my angel, inspiring and looking after me, my dearest baby. I will still be missing you very much. But it is glad to know you are fine in heaven. I will send my regards sometimes, hope you enjoy your vacation there. I will always love you, forever and ever. I will hug you and kiss you again and again, when I see you in heaven. See you.
--
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
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