I don't know what to say. I jsut know I'm useless, and I deserve to die.

Why? I wipe tears off and ask myself, "What should I do? What haven't I do?" I don't know what the answer is. I just feel I'm a big super LOSER. Even though I think I've tried my best to do everything, EVERYTHING, but I can not satisfied everyone, EVERYONE, especially my family, my PARENTS.

All these years gone by, I've never quit my dream and I tried so hard to catch my goal, and I'm so glad to do everything for it, and honestly I mean it and I actually do it, so? What do I get? LOSER, LOSER!!!! That's what they call me!!!

Yeah, I can't deny. It's true, isn't it? Look at me now!!

To tell the truth, I really really have to apologize, because I lied in my autobiography. All of them are ture, expect the part of support from my family. Since I have memory, they seldom support me for the goal I have. Being a singer? A painter? A cartoonist? A writer? A composer? A DJ?!?!?!!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! GOD DAMN HELL WAHT A BIG JOKE!!!!

I know they "WORRY" about me. As what they say, I "absolutely" CAN'T FEED MYSELF ALIVE IF I DO THESE JOBS FOR LIVING!! But, I just wanna try, I don't wanna regret when I'm old! I love these things! I know I might be so so so so so poor to death, and also so so so so so so so tired to death, so what? I need to fight when I'm still young!!! THEY TOLD ME I SHOULD FACE THE TRUTH, BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH I KNOW AND SEE! All I want is to BE TRUSTED! I've never been trusted!! What don't they just trust me that I can do it well? Why CAN'T they? I was confident that I'm good, and I have the ability to do the job I choose, but now my confidence is getting weaker and weaker, because of THEM.

I've always fought with my parents for my dreams and goals these years, and I know it very well, this war will never end. Even I've told myself all the time, "GO! Do it and show them you're right and you can make it!" But, I think they will never identify me, never and ever, no matter how successful I will be, or how old I am. 'Cause I am not the best child in this family, and it can be changed impossibly. As what I feel and what they think, I AM THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WILL NEVER BE SUCESSFUL. It's pretty funny, you know, they've always said this to me since I'm a kid, and guess what? They even think it's impossible to me to serve them when they're old. Get the point? I just step on the beginning and ready to get started this moment, but they have "SET" the end well already.

I cried again tonight. The reason is, I need to go to the radio station tomorrow and have to stay in Kaohsiung for a week, and Dad blamed me because I'm "WASTING MY TIME" on these uesless and meaningless things!! He said I should go to get a real job, the kind of job which is potential or has a great prospect and I can earn so much money. I don't get it! Well, you know MEDIA well or me? Yes, news said MEDIA, WRITER AND ARTIST are BAD JOBS for living because of low-paid, I know! FACE THE REALITY? I could see the reality, as what I just said, I know I might be poor, but there's always something else to do! That's what I'm trying to do now! I gotta get two jobs at once!! I'm tired, but I'm happy! Because I catch my goal and my dream comes true! Look at those people who regret so much about their youth and dream. Adults are so tough-minded that they forget what the happiness is. Like what 阿信 of MayDay mentions, "長大難道是人必經的潰爛"?

WHAT SHOULD I DO? I'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO GET A JOB I DON'T REALLY LIKE BUT SEEMS I CAN GET SO MUCH MONEY AND BECOME A NASTY, HOLLOW AND HYPOCRITICAL PERSON. I USE ENGLISH TO BE MY ADVANTAGE TO THE JOB, AS WHAT THEY SAY I HAVE TO JUST BECUASE THEY PAY MONEY FOR ME TO LEARN SO MANY YEARS, THEN? IN FACT, I DON'T THINK HOW RESPECTABLE ENGLISH IS, IT'S JUST A TOOL TO ME! SEE, THERE'RE SO MANY PEOPLE LEARNING IT AND SPEAK IT WELL. ME? COM'N, THEY ARE THE PERSONS WHO SHOULD "FACE THE TRUTH", NOT ME!

Now I can't see who really needs me besides my baby, HAPPY. She's the only one who really needs me, especially these days. I'm so afraid she will feel so lonely and so painful if I'm not home. Don't worry, sweetie, I'm going to get a new place for you soon! As for my family, well, I think they will be much happier if they don't see me.

What kind of funny life I have.